Daddy: "Can you order me some orange paper."
Mummy: "Are you sure? It took 15 years to use the last pack."
Daddy: "That's it then. We may as well just shut up shop then."
On a trip to the cinema:
Daddy: "And then they both insisted on an icecream at a million pounds."
Mummy: "The trick to good exaggerating is to make it almost believable. Try again."
Daddy: "OK. Five hundred pounds. Each."
Describing being tired:
"Oh I've suddenly hit a cliff." *yawns dramatically*
On coughing:
"I suddenly had a weird coughing fit. Like someone was roasting peppers on an oven. Like mustard gas. Very strange."
Mummy: "There are a million flying ants in the room."
Daddy picks up four and throws them out of the window: "There you go, only 9996 to go."
"It's bloody hot. It's fan weather." (It's 15c)
Daddy: "It's so hot in here, I can't f-in breathe."
Mummy: "Stop swearing."
Daddy: "That's what this f-in heat does to me. I feel like I'm about to go into a coma."
"It's alright for them. they get like ninety hundred days credit." (Isn't that about 24 years? I want an account with whoever gives those terms.)
"I'll get you a price but it won't be today cos we are about 3 days behind."
Knocked his hand running across the garden:
"When you're doing 20 miles per hour it really hurts."
"I want to buy this off Ebay but it's probably about a thousand pounds postage."
Stranger on phone: "Are you open Saturdays?"
Daddy: "No. Thank god. We get burnt out enough in the week."
After going into the printer room and finding 3 delivery notes:
"It's like Armageddon out there. No-one's been near the printer since last Thursday."
After spending 2 minutes holding on the phone at 9.30am:
"Well that's half a day wasted."
One person phones in work sick:
"The NHS have got nothing on us. They think they've got it bad, they wanna try working here."
Trying to make sense of an email:
"I'm just trying to get a grip on reality."
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