Saturday, 25 April 2015

Daddy on transport.

On the binmen going on strike:
"The council better not think they can get away with not collecting the bin.  It's full of shoe.  I nearly said shit and changed it to poo."
"I'm going to phone the council tomorrow and ask if they are coming on Saturday and if they say no I will demand a refund on my council tax."

"Just like London buses, I have another enquiry."

"It's not completely round.  You wouldn't put it on your car.  It's more like the Flintstones car.  Was that stone?  Or was that the Anthill mob?"

On booking a flight from Bristol to Glasgow:
Mummy:    "Are you really paying extra to book a seat for an hour long flight?"
Daddy:       "I've never been on a flight yet where I haven't had a pre booked seat."
Mummy:    "But you're flying alone.  It doesn't matter where you sit."
Daddy:       "I don't want to be sat next to just anyone."
Mummy:    "They don't send you photos of the other passengers to choose from you know."

Talking to the AA about taking his car to the garage:
"It's far too technologically advanced for you to be trying to fix it."
"It's £18 grands worth of car.  I'm not having it left on an industrial estate, they gypsies will take it."

Daddy:      "I would like an Astin Martin."
Mummy:   "You can't have an Aston Martin until you can say it properly."
Daddy:      "Aston Martin?   It's Astin Martin."
Mummy:   "Course it is."

"He's in a prime place to walk.  All he needs is a couple of wellies."

"It's a nice car.  I wouldn't throw it out of bed."

Daddy:     "I bet he's loving the bikelution."
Mummy:  "The whatolution?"
Daddy:     "You know, everybody taking up cycling."
Mummy:  "No, you can't just make up words."

Mummy:   "Every time I get in this car there are receipts on the passenger seat."
Daddy:      "Yeah well.  That's because I'm spending so much money on this house."
Mummy (reading):  "Chickem Tikka, bananas, strawberry trifle.  Hmmm."

"He said they would deliver between eight and six.  I mean who's still in work at six?  Apart from me, obviously."

Mummy:    "Why don't you park in the corner?"
Daddy:       "I can't.   It's got hatchings in it."
Mummy:    "Stop taking everything so bloody literally."

"Trying to get TNT to deliver to the right address is like trying to steer the Titanic away from an iceberg."

On the phone to a courier company:
"I would have thought you'd have lots of little Postman Pat vans."
Then proceeds to tell them how they should fill their fleet with 'little Postman Pat vans'.

"He had a van the size of Postman Pat."

"It's like the quality of a Ferrari compared to a Mondeo.  No offence if you drive a Mondeo.  You might drive a Ferrari.  You might say 'I'm a Ferrari man.' Ha ha ha."

"It's a car isn't it.  Depreciates like a stone."

"What's your postcode and I'll put it in the sat and av."

Daddy calls articulated lorries "Arctics.  We tell him that's not what they're called but he doesn't care:
Daddy:     "I hope they don't try and deliver the tiles in an arctic."
Mummy:  "Me too.  They will slip on the ice."

Daddy:     "Can you imagine sinking a war ship these days?  It wouldn't go down very well."
Mummy:  "Why not?  Are they made out of rubber?"

Daddy:     "This hill is no good for my engine.  Especially an unlubricated hill."
Mummy:  "If it was a lubricated hill you'd never get up it anyway."
Daddy:     "I said unlubricated engine."
Mummy:  "No you never."
Daddy launches into ten minute monologue about how engines work.  Nobody listens.

Daddy:     "The last time we went abroad we got to the airport nice and early."
Matt:        "How early?"
Daddy:     "7am."
Matt:        "What time was your flight?"
Daddy:     "I can't remember.  About 10.30."
Mummy:  "No it wasn't.   It was 2pm.  We got to the airport SEVEN hours early."
Daddy:     "At least we didn't miss our flight."

Trying to make small talk with a lady:
"Vauxhall have brought out a new Viva so I hear."

On why he spent £17.000 on a new car that's identical to his old car:
"Well the other day I had to spend £100 on it and I thought, that's it.  It's going to start costing me now."

"I was looking on Ebay and you can buy a plane for 25K."



No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.